In The Extreme

I am in the midst of writing a new play, but I'm taking a break for ...

Andrew's Biggest Playwriting Secrets ... Finally Revealed!

1. THE IDEA: People always ask, "Where do you get your ideas?" Sometimes I'll just hit "Random Article" on Wikipedia or type in some random words on Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky." If that doesn't turn up something good, I'll either swipe a premise from a far better playwright ("Tracing Sonny" was in fact a rip-off of Glengarry Glen Ross) or just crib a plotline from old episodes of Felicity!

2. THE DIALOGUE: I really suck at dialogue; it's the hardest part of writing plays for me. But plays are 97% dialogue! In the words of Charlie Brown, "AAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!" So what to do? Sometimes I'll just have the actors talk in character until they say something I like, and then I'll tell them, "That! Do that!" Other times, I'll use Babel Fish to translate Spanish language "Novellas" and just change the names. And other other times, I'll dress up like one of my characters, and put myself in the actual situation in the real world, carefully tape recording everything said! On a play like "Pin-Up Girls," I'll use all of these tricks and more!

3. THE SCENE: It's important to describe the scene in painstaking detail, because theatre people have a hard time visualizing how a play should be produced. That's because the theatre is not a visual medium, like the superior art forms of television, film, and YouTube. Also, three to four pages of description make you look like a professional!

4. THE FORMAT: Some people make a big deal about the format of the finished script: Dialogue should run margin to margin, parenthetical descriptions should be indented, blah blah blah. I find it's easier to just use the movie script format. Also, by putting the dialogue in the middle of the page like a screenplay, it takes up more pages! Win-win (win)!

5. THE OPENING NIGHT: As a playwright, it's important to be recognized by the public. That's why I make a point of wearing a sash that says "Playwright" on it, and I always join the actors on stage for their curtain call. Bonus points if you pay someone to throw roses at you when you take the stage! I did that for "Torrid Affaire," and it made all the difference for the reviewers. Nothing says "class and talent" like having roses thrown at your feet! Hey ... it works for Rick Springfield!

6. THE REVIEWS: It's important to listen to everything the reviewers say, and to try and implement their notes by the next performance. One time this reviewer criticized the character of Slappy, the slap-happy ex-boxer turned custodian at the High Jinks Burlesque. Slappy had this gag where he'd stare at the girls while they were changing their clothes and drool into his mop bucket. The girls would see this, puts their hands on their hips and say "Oh, Slappy!" It happened, like, twelve times in the first act alone. After the review came out that called Slappy a "weak, two-dimensional crutch for otherwise humorless moments," I was sure to cut the character and replace him with "Seaweed," a cute creature from Atlantis who aspires to someday strip! Poor Seaweed -- he needs water to breathe!

7. FINAL THOUGHTS: Drink. Drink, drink, drink. Drink some more. You should be so drunk when you write that you're laughing at prepositions. That's how you write comedy.

This is waaaay over due at this point. Believe it or not, this post has existed as a draft since January 5th. What has taken me so long to finish it? "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans," man.

A refresher on the rules:

This encompasses not only the source of the entertainment (i.e. movie, burlesque show, concert, etc.) but also -- and more importantly -- the experience surrounding the event in question.

For instance, I really enjoyed Role Models, the movie starring my twin brother Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott. One of my favorite movies of 2008. However, the experience of going to see the film was average. Compare this to when we caught Revenge of the Sith a couple of years back at the Arclight in Hollywood, and representatives of the 501st legion of Stormtroopers were in attendance with Darth Vader. That was an entertainment experience to write home about!

So I realize this is a bit late, but here goes (in no particular order):

1. Kubrilesque

There were so many good burlesque shows in 2008, it is truly difficult for me to pick just one. But Kubrilesque was an incredible experience for a number of reasons. First, it was pretty early on in our journey into burlesque. We were still meeting people, getting to know the scene. Red performed in a couple of group numbers, as Alex in the tribute to A Clockwork Orange (and she's the hottest Alex ever) and in the Busby Berkeley-inspired 2001: A Space Odyssey extravaganza. So we were right in the thick of it, meeting new people.

Kubrilesque was presented at Cafe Fais Do-do, one of my favorite venues in Los Angeles. (I wrote glowingly of it in my review of Sound and Fury's Sherlock Holmes and the Saline Solution.) Red and I cajoled a large number of our theatre family to attend both nights, so there was that social aspect of the thing, the opportunity to share something we enjoy with people we love.

The Eyes Wide Shut number really hit on the second night, and was a transcendent experience for me. Crystal Swarovski's emergence towards the end was made all the more dramatic by the stark, flat lighting in the main ballroom.

2. Underbelly screening

Princess Farhana is a rock star, and to be invited to this screening was a distinct honor. The documentary is fantastic. We also met up with Celeste, one of Red's buds from the belly dance scene.

Putting on the sports jacket and driving out to a Hollywood landmark (The El Cid was reportedly built by D.W. Griffith) for the L.A. premiere of documentary film ... there was a moment there where I thought, "Wow! We've arrived. This is the sort of thing you do in Hollywood!" What a great night, schmoozing with friends and fellow artists and enjoying the belly dance acts that Farhana presented after the screening. That's what I call a night out on the town!

3. Xmas Smackdown

Kismet. That's how I describe this evening. Red had the opportunity to fill in for Penny Starr, Jr. for one night of this fun show. It was an evening of music and comedy with the very funny Mike Nutter and Cynthia Carle, featuring the Smackdown Singers, and storyteller Cindy Caponera. Red stripped to "Silver Bells" as performed by the Singers.

This all took place at Hallenbeck's General Store in North Hollywood, and I hope I get the invite for the next go 'round. I've since seen Nutter perform his twisted song "Baby Shredder" at Penny Starr, Jr.'s Victory Variety Hour. He's my kind of nut.

4. John Mayer

Yeah, I'm cheating. There were three John Mayer events this past year, and it's impossible to pick just one for this list. They did have one thing in common: The Fans.

First was the screening of Where the Light Is, his latest concert film. In December 2007, John Mayer played a concert for Toys for Tots. Three sets: John Mayer acoustic, the John Mayer Trio, and John Mayer with his full concert band. A remarkable evening that we missed due to a holiday office party. Naturally, when the opportunity presented itself to watch the concert on the big screen, we jumped at the chance.

The screening was at the Bridge multiplex, a cinema down towards Long Beach. Maybe it's in Venice ... I'm a little fuzzy. I know it's to the south and west of where we live. Great place! Some of the theatres have wait staff to fill your popcorn and soda orders. But they serve "real food" as well, and sell adult beverages. Very classy!

This was a fan club event, so we saw the film with John Mayer die hards. Met some really cool people that night!

The second morsel of John Mayer awesomeness came in the form of his Irvine concert. Fan club seats, and we were close to a fan club member who we've run into several times at concerts. She's great! It's so cool to make that kind of friend. The only thing you have in common is this one interest (John Mayer) and that's reason enough to be effusive when you see them again.

I also got to meet Brett Dennen when he autographed his cd for me. I have a newfound respect for people who ask for autographs.

Finally, we got to attend the second annual John Mayer holiday show. It was just Mayer onstage, no band, keeping us entertained for a couple of hours. It was our first journey to the Nokia Center and the new LA Live. Very slick place, completely and utterly disconnected from the rest of the city.

John Mayer, onstage alone, for a few hours. Really, no description would do it justice, but it was a bit like hanging out with that friend (or brother, or cousin) who's insanely talented at something and just watching them play through a set list. Very low-key and casual. The fans were incredible; I found myself chatting with complete strangers before and after the show like they were old friends.

5. Weezer Hootenanny

For a few hours, Pamela and I, along with dozens of other geeky Weezer fans, were members of Weezer. It's true: Rivers told us so.

6. Polly Peabody's show at Tangier

This was a stand-out event for one reason: Jewel of Denial. She's an English language teacher by day, and invited some of her students to the show. They were incredible; supportive and proud of their teacher. Burlesque can be so heartwarming at times!

7. Toy Puppet Theatre day at Disney Concert Hall

I got an email from a puppeteer friend telling me he was performing as part of a Maya Angelou poem-brought-to-life at this festival. That was enough reason to go. When I saw that Chicago's Redmoon Theatre would be performing "Once Upon a Time (or The Secret Language of Birds)" AND Laura Heit would be performing with her matchbox circus, the deal was sealed. Toy theatre is magic. The Disney Concert Hall is a beautiful place, and a wonderful setting for these miniature masterpieces.

8. The Bernini exhibit at the Getty Center

The last time I saw Bernini's work, it was summertime in Italy. The time spent examining these gorgeous marble sculptures was meditative and refreshing.

9. Tarantino Night at the Monday Night Tease

This is sort of cheating, but not quite. Although I was a part of this evening, I was able to enjoy most of it. It was my first introduction to the comedy stylings of Michael "NSFW" Schmidt, aka "The 40 Year-old Boy."

10. Pin-Up Girls

Without a doubt, the most incredible entertainment experience of 2008 for me. It's not that I wrote and directed it. Sure, that was cool. It was watching the show every night (I missed Act I twice) and watching the cast grow into their parts. It was seeing the faces coming and going from the house.

So that's that. Really freaking late, but done.

Sonny and Luci share a moment.

Dad is making the calls while Sonny tries to carry on a conversation with Luci.

They just won't let up! Mom and Dad make their presence known to Sonny, while Luci struggles to understand what he's going through.

Why the argyle sweater? Since Dad and Mom are really manifestations of parts of Sonny's personality, and they tag in at different times during the play, I needed a shorthand way of tipping off the audience. At the time I was writing this, Pamela bought me a smashing argyle sweater: Above you see Theatre Unleashed treasurer Gregory Crafts and myself, after a reading of "Torrid Affaire" back before TU was so much as a twinkle in our eyes. *sigh*. We were so young and naive back then.

So there's the sweater.

As I worked with this choice, something became clear to me: Los Angeles isn't exactly a sweater-friendly town. Oh, we have our cold nights, our overcast days, but most of the time a sweater is a bad choice. "Tracing Sonny" takes place in Los Angeles over the course of a year. And Sonny has that damn sweater on non-stop.

But this works. One of the themes of "Tracing Sonny" is how useful tics, habits and traits picked up from others can become hindrances in the wrong situation. For instance, a firefighter's full regalia including oxygen tank and mask is incredibly helpful when rescuing people from a burning building. But imagine if that firefighter didn't remove his uniform at the end of the day, and tried to go bowling in it! Sometimes it's helpful to use learned behavior; sometimes that learned behavior overrides personal judgement and self-determination.

So the fact that Sonny wears a sweater on a hot, summer day at the Los Angeles Zoo is a "real-world" nod to his psychological state. Or, in short, "I meant to do that."

I've been rather quiet about Tracing Sonny on this here blog. Well, I've been rather quiet in general on this here blog. Facebook and Twitter have become my more mainline attack on the internet, and I just haven't felt the same need to blog. (And maybe I feel a little guilty that nearly half the year is over and I still haven't finished my "Top 10 Entertainment Experiences of 2008" post. Yikes!)

Opening weekend has come and gone for Tracing Sonny, with three weeks left in the run. I would have been happier with a longer run, but the economics of doing theatre on the small scale is an ass-kicker. We need to wrap up our IRS tax-exempt paperwork posthaste, so we can begin reeling in juicy grants and sponsorships. The silver-lining to taking our time is that we've amassed an incredible body of work over the past year and a half that we can point to when applying for the big bucks. The list is impressive:

Theatre Unleashed - "mainstage" productions since founding:

1. What We Should Have Said: An Evening of One Acts for Los Angeles
2. The Tempest
3. Pin-Up Girls
4. The Way of the World
5. Tales of an Unsettled City: Beginnings
6. Tracing Sonny
7. Tales of an Unsettled City: Encounters

We've also done sketch comedy shows, variety shows, fundraisers and performance art:

1. Theatre Unleashed Presents: Theatre Unleashed! Featuring Theatre Unleashed
2. Dead Beat Poet Society: 80's Night
3. The Holidays Unleashed!
4. Die Gruppe in "Last Night's Appetizers"
5. Attraction/Logic
6. Die Gruppe in "Kiss My Butt"
7. Acting Our Age
8. The World's Smallest Renaissance Faire

Still yet to come this year, five, count 'em FIVE more "mainstage" shows (two of which are originals penned by company members):

1. All in the Timing
2. 4.48 Psychosis
3. Landscaping the Den of Saints
4. Tales of an Unsettled City: [to be named]
5. Friends Like These

And that's not all! An animated short fest later this week, and another performance art event. Also, we're likely to do another winter variety show fundraiser. And a Halloween meta-event:

1. Something Awesome Animated Short Fest
2. Metamorphose
3. Untitled Halloween event
4. Untitled Winter fundraiser

Friends, that's 24 major events completed, ongoing and scheduled in the first two years of our existence as a company. That's one major event a month, if you break it down that way, but we typically do more than one thing at a time. It saves on space rental. Not taken into account is the incredible amount of promotional and marketing work we do for each event, including the production of web videos and an enormous amount of wed marketing spearheaded by our webmaster.

I'm reminded of that episode of the Simpsons, where the yellow-skinned family is trodding through Africa and Bart and Lisa keep repeating, "Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet?" in a sing-song, "Are we there yet?" fashion.

Fairly insane, yes.

If you can absolutely avoid it, do so. In particular, their internet service.

Here's my tale of woe:

We're in the middle of rehearsals for "Tracing Sonny," Pam's producing the fundraiser for the Burlesque hall of fame, and I'm building a set, pulling together multimedia elements, etc. Tuesday night Pam's like, "Shit! The phone bill!" Sure enough, we have a disco. notice. Not for the lack of ability to pay, mind you, but for the lack of attention while everything else is going on. Besides, we pay the damn thing.

One hand at AT&T doesn't know what the other hand is doing, and two days later they disconnect our internet. No interruption in our phone service -- like I said, we paid the damn thing. We catch the lack of internet immediately on Friday morning and call up AT&T. The best they can do? "It'll be back on next Thursday before 8pm."

I talk to a customer service gal on Saturday, trying to get them to expedite it. I point out that in this day in age, I could call up Time Warner Cable and have an installer out on Monday or Tuesday. Why should I wait until Thursday?

Her response: "You certainly could. Would you like me to go ahead and cancel your service?" I ask for a supervisor. She tells me they're all out to lunch. If you ask me, I'd say AT&T is out to lunch, and we'll be moving our business elsewhere after the play opens.

I've blogged about AT&T once before. Here's a refresher on one possible source of their malevolence as a corporation:




My guess is, they're run by Sith Lords.

I'm a lousy blogger, and I blame Facebook.

In truth, and as usual, I'm up to my Adam's apple in stuff to do, and haven't manage to wrangle free a few moments to put down my thoughts du jour here, for everyone to read. Hopefully that little Twitter feed on the left has kept the seven people who read this blog occupied. Most likely you have all been busy with other things (i.e. Facebook) as well. Except for my mom, who has yet to join Facebook (hint, hint, hint.)

So what's the haps?

For starters, my play "Alarmed" has premiered in Topeka, Kansas as part of Lake Edun's "A Night of Naked Surprises." Judging by the headline of this article, I guess I'm a "nudism advocate" now. I'll have to add that to my CV. Here's a quote from the article:

"Alarmed,” by Andrew Moore, of Los Angeles, in which a fire alarm forces Sarah to flee her apartment building when she is in the middle of a shower. She discovers most of her neighbors, and even one of the firefighters, belong to a local naturist facility. The play shows how Sarah deals with this realization and grows in the process.

There are two nights left in the run of the play, so if you're in the area, check it out and tell me what you think! I really wanted to fly to Topeka and see my play, but finances and Theatre Unleashed business has conspired against me. I notice that the Naturist Education Foundation put out a video of the last Naked Play Fest, so hopefully I will get to see the end product in all of its naked glory.

Getting this show before an audience was quite a drama in itself, and one that I would like to have the full skinny on. I know that Lake Edun has had to deal with narrow-minded cranks who just can't stand the idea of naked people camping out and skinny-dipping in the middle of nowhere. Also, finding actors willing to perform in the nude is apparently difficult. My own play has three men and two women, and all but one of the men is nude the entire time. So kudos to Lake Edun, the director of the plays and the cast and crew bringing them to life every night!

I turned in my final draft of "Tracing Sonny" last week. Rehearsals are going well, and Pamela is having a blast directing. This show opens on June 5th and runs four weeks. It's a little strange, not being in the driver's seat on this one.

On June 12th, Theatre Unleashed will present the Something Awesome Animated Short Festival.



This is a non-competitive fest that is currently accepting entries, so if you're an animator or know someone who is, drop me a line!

On the 16th of this month, we'll be unleashing The World's Smallest Renaissance Faire!

I'll be performing with Phil Kelly as "Sirs Snapper & Buddy." What's the difference between Mssrs. Snapper & Buddy and Sirs Snapper & Buddy? In the latter I trade my suit and ukulele in for a kilt and mandolin. It's going to be a blast!

Speaking of Mssrs. Snapper & Buddy, we have a few gigs coming up. We host Bobbie Burlesque's "Broadway Follies" on the 15th, and open Peepshow Menagerie's self-titled show on the 20th.



Back to Theatre Unleashed business for a moment -- I was reelected as president of the company. The vote was unanimous (as it was for all us officers) and I couldn't be happier!

(Around the Moore residence, we have a shorthand we use to cover for abrupt changes in conversation. It comes from the sound an 8-track player used to make when switching tracks. Sometimes, an old 8-track would cause the player to skip tracks in the middle of a song, resulting in a "ka-CHUNK" followed by the middle of a completely different song. Ahhh, to be a child of the 70s.)

So ... ka-CHUNK! Back to burlesque for a moment. A few weeks ago, I got to live out a childhood dream: I became The Unknown Comic for a few precious moments. I still haven't captured video or stills from the performance, but rest assured: I will, and I'll post them here. in the meantime, here's a promotional picture of "The Unknown Snapper" from the Peepshow Menagerie website:

And here's a selection of the horrible, dirty jokes I posted on Facebook leading up to the performance:

• How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
• Did you hear the one about the bald guy who cut holes in his pockets? He wanted to run his fingers through his hair!
• There are two rules for success: 1) Don't tell all that you know.
• I've never been a member of the Klan, but I am a wizard under the sheets!
• Why don't birds wear underwear? Because their peckers are on their faces.
• I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
• What do you give the man who has everything? Penicillin!
• What did the virgin say when she finally gave it up? "Well, that tears it!"

I stole some of those from the real Unknown Comic, Murray Langston. I'm proud to say I wrote the last one myself!

I think that just about wraps this up. And Mom -- assuming that last joke doesn't cause you to disown me, I'll give you a call this weekend.

(sorry about the crappy cellphone picture!)

The problem: For her "Monkeywrench" number, Snappy needed a tub of grease she could reach into and get a handful of grease to smear across her breasts. (It's as hot as it sounds!) Real grease would suck to clean up, and wouldn't be opaque enough to hide her nipples. These are the problems we face in life. So we decided to create our own tub of grease, and slip a container of chocolate frosting inside.Here's an actual tub of grease for comparison:

(promotional picture swiped from online somewhere)

The silhouette is right on the money. Not that too many people in L.A. have ever packed ball bearings. In grease, I hasten to add. For the "Monkey Grease" logo I tried to match the color palette of her costume. This is a detail point:

There are pictures that better illustrate this point, but I'm a sucker for a girl with a naked back. (Because it usually means a naked front, as well.) It's a bit hard to tell, but there are green swarovski crystals on the shimmy belt and green threads in the frilly trim. And of course, the red and pink. This photo also sets up what is the crowning achievement of my prop:

(another crappy cellphone picture)

Ta-da! I added a monkey detail to the label to match her hat! This monkey is on the other side of the "Monkey Brand Grease" text as well, inverted so as to add a little variety. And because monkeys like to hang upside-down.A couple of other things to note: This tub was purchase at the 99 cent store and was full of sidewalk chalk. I cleaned it out and painted the inside black, so as to look as if it is full of black grease. I used glitter paint on the letters to give them a little burlesque sparkle. That, and I used two of Snappy's green swarovskis on the label.

I hope this has been educational. Next time, I'll discuss the process that resulted in the infamous "Jack Box" and sperm puppets from Red Snapper's "Every Sperm is Sacred" number!

"How Celebrity Narcissim is Seducing America."

Celebrity narcissism. Like maybe putting your face on the cover of a book?