IDEA GRAVEYARD

The Pirate Parrots Project.

My notes are scanty, but here's the idea:

A direct to video movie featuring a cast of bird puppets cavorting around like pirates. Specifically, we follow a band of lousy pirates out to make a name for themselves. The captain, an inept fop named "Roginal LeCoeur" fantasizes about being a true and proper scoundrel, the type of pirate he reads about in such books as "The Nasty Corsair." So he styles himself as "Blackbeard the Parrot," wearing an incredibly stupid looking black beard.

He heads up a pirate ship (I don't remember what I wanted to call it ... "The Sea Monkey" or something stupid like that) with a wacky, zany crew of misfits and n'er-do-wells. [I may update this later, when I have the chance to review other notes I have stuffed around the home office.]

Blackbeard the Parrot is tired of being a laughing stock, and decides to put his name on the map by rescuing the truly great pirate Captain Hookbeak, who was recently captured, tried, and sentenced to death.

What follows is a series of episodes culminating in the rescue of the merciless Captain Hookbeak. One episode involves our motley band running across a pirate ship full of "girl pirates" and the resulting bird orgy ("If this boat's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'!") Another episode has the crew liberating a slave ship. The big, climactic sea battle has canons blazing and feathers flying!

In the end, Hookbeak is made captain of "The Sea Monkey" and he places Blackbeard as his first mate.

This idea is not for kids, but not for the "usual" reasons (i.e. gratuitous puppet nudity and profanity.) The idea is to have a jolly tale of adventure on the high seas, and at the same time depict what murderous, cut-throat savages pirates could really be at times. Seriously, some of those guys were outright sociopaths. But just like an old-school slasher film, it's all in fun.

It would be shot entirely in-studio (reference Steve Oedekerk's "Thumb" movies for an idea of how closely controlled the sets would be) with liberal use of models and compositing.

All of the bird puppets would be based upon real species. Hookbeak, for instance, is based on the thick billed parrot. The pirates would represent a wide variety of birds (albatross, magpie, cockatoo, etc.) but the birds representing the Crown -- the killjoys, the government navy types -- would be fairly uniform pheasants. Maybe pigeons. Something very "English."

It really pains me to realize how unlikely it is that this particular project will ever be produced, if only because I would love to see it.

How about you?